As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
