Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
