Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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