I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
