u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
