GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
