i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
