So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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