her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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