Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
