So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
