Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
