We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
