Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
