yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
