I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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