FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
