I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
