Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
