I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
