Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
