somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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