took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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