i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
