i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
