the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
