Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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