you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
