Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
