They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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