he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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