It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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