I skipped work to stalk him.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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