toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
