when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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