They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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