i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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