Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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