He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Houston, we have a squirter
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
