hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
