when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
