Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
