I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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