I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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