Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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