Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
