I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
