my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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