my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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