It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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