Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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