...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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