her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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