yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
