this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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