Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
