aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
