Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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