Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
