You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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