giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
