Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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