She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
