I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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