I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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