WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
BRING THE BAGELS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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