She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
